Burning
by Calypso Diangelos
Summary: Some have called him a monster and others labeled him a demon. But beneath the mask of his violent reality there is a soul to be found…


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Burning

By: Calypso

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AN - Well, here we go again, another little introspective moment in the world of Ames White. I have to say though, after a whole a season of his presence I still can't believe there are so few people writing about this character. I hope you enjoy.

Set during the final scene of Love amongst the Runes.

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Will we burn in heaven like we do down here?

Will the change come while we're waiting?

Everyone is waiting.

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The stars streak across the sky in a radiant show of light, mocking me with their double edged beauty, their bittersweet demise. Each one plunges through this night carrying with it a dream I've dreamt, reminding me of every tear I never shed. Every suffocating sob that was suppressed, every moment my heart's been made to bleed, every life that I've taken. Tonight, each star is a fallen angel burning with the disgrace of mistaken love.

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Love. I thought my father loved me once, that just maybe he would cherish me because I was his son. I used to think that I could be the center of his world simply because he was the center of mine. But it was all just the dreams of a fanciful child, for I was wrong. He never loved me. He would've abandoned me for his heretic beliefs in a second and in reality he left me behind faster then that.

I almost lost it when I saw those runes on 452 earlier; every one had been lovingly etched into her being, engraved into her by my father's hand and in my father's words. Written with devotion that he should have given to his family - my family, a legacy he decided to leave to something grown in a petri dish. Words nurtured by a love he could give to his experiments but not to his own sons. Damn him. 

He could've stayed beside us, or even taken us with him. But he chose instead to abandon me to my fate, to leave CJ in this place of cold walls and colder hearts. Instead of choosing to love us he chose to leave us both trapped in a prison of his making. To suffer the punishment for his sins. He left us to fall like the stars outside.

My son won't be another fallen star. I won't ever let him feel like I do. And I will never abandon him like my father abandoned me. No matter what it takes, I'll find Ray and I'll take him away from those damn freaks. I'll take him away from 452 and her kind even if it means leaving my life in exchange. 

Bitch. When she was chained up in that room today I should've been the one torturing her, but she knew that with just a few words she could be the one torturing me, and she did. She took a knife and shoved it into my heart by not telling me where my son was, by choosing not to acknowledge his existence. To think that like my father I couldn't possibly love my own flesh and blood.

She hates me every bit as firmly as I hate her and every time we meet there is nothing in her voice for me but contempt. I deserve no less but I pray to whatever God is out there that she doesn't take her contempt and visit her hatred for me upon my son. I hope that unlike me she knows the meaning of mercy, that she will allow me to leave my son a legacy of something more then a scared soul an all consuming shame.

The shame my father left to me. Our father as she'd probably say. Ha! Even her kind call him father - misbegotten freaks of nature that they are - they have more right to call him father then I do. And every time I think that he found in them what he couldn't find in me, I die.

Was I so pathetic? Did he see in a ten-year-old a weakness of soul? Am I so badly lacking? What have I done to deserve my fathers contempt and my son's disappearance? What is it in me that has made me fall from the heavens to burn in these fires of hell?

  
  
  
And when we're done soul searching  
And we carry the weight we died for a cause  
Is misery made beautiful, right before our eyes?  
Will mercy be revealed or blind us where we stand?

Witness - Sarah McLaughlin


End file.
